I used to think that part of parenting was watching your children grow. They get bigger and you seem smaller. Years go by. Inch by inch, those little ones creep up. First they reach your waist, then your shoulders. Soon enough they reach your chin. Head-to-head, nose-to-nose… and if you’re a small 5’3″ like me, soon they will even grow past you.
I just spent this past weekend celebrating my son’s 13th birthday.
We had Daddy bake us a cake, with Rainbow Chip icing (yum), it’s tradition. We took Jay bowling with some friends. Then we went home, ate lunch, played the infamous game of BLURT, sang Happy Birthday, ate cake and ice-cream…
And after the candles were no longer lit, birthday wishes flew up to the ears of God, and chips and cake crumbs were swept up…. after the guests were gone and the voices of rambunctious teens laughing no longer filled the house… after all that, I was ‘great’.
See, what you don’t know about me is that I was that mommy who had a panic attack the night before my son’s first day of Kindergarten.
I was that mommy who walked in fear and constant anxiety worrying about my ‘baby boy’… even when he wasn’t much of a baby anymore.
I was that mommy who wanted to protect my child from the world. That mommy who wanted to keep him from heart-break and disappointment. I was that mommy, always figuring out a plan; always trying to fix things.
I was the mommy carrying a huge burden God never intended for me to carry.
And through a series of events, none of which I delighted in, I have had to learn to be the mommy who surrenders her ‘baby boy’ to the One who formed him in my womb. I have had to learn to trust in the God whose plans and purpose for my son’s life are beyond what I could ever dream up. I have had to trust that God is able to guard all that is mine! Including this amazing gift of a son.
So back to that evening after his birthday celebration… I was great.
I no longer fear for my son’s future. I no longer worry the worst will occur. I no longer play ‘what if’s‘ over and over in my head. I no longer allow the enemy to sit there whispering lies into my ear. I no longer walk in anxiety and fear over my son and his future.
I no longer have ‘control’. I’ve surrendered it all to God.
I am no longer afraid of him ‘growing up’.
13 came. I celebrated. I rejoiced. I believe. I trust. God is guarding all that belongs to me!!
My son. His future. His dreams. His education. His calling. His future wife. His future children. All that pertains to my Jay is in God’s hands.
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR JAY….. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!’
As those words trail behind… I realize that yes, my son has grown a couple of inches taller. He’s grown another year older.
But I am not getting smaller.
I too, am growing. Beyond what I ever imagined possible.
That, my friend, is what only God can do!!!