{Checklist for Life: Week 3- Cliques, Exclusive Offer}

I am so glad you are back for our Checklist for Life: for teens book club. Previously on Week 1- Self Acceptance, we spoke about the different issues that teens face regarding their self-image and we also reviewed how God sees us. On Week 2- Loss, we learned how to handle loss in our lives God’s way.

Feel free to go back and review and download the FREE {Scripture Memory Verse Cards on Self Acceptance} and {Scripture Memory Verse Cards on Loss}.

Today, we started with a quick review on last weeks’ study, then we jumped right into today’s topic: {Cliques- Exclusive Offer}.

As adults we can all say we’ve experienced the damaging effects of cliques. Whether we were the ones in them or the ones being rejected. We’ve all seen them. We’ve all heard them. And we may have all dealt with them at one time or another. And now, the story continues. Your children too will experience the so called, “no-one-is-better-than-us-group”. So how do we prepare them for this? How do we prepare our kids for possible rejections or bullying? How do we prepare them to be individuals of godly character that they themselves would not be the ones rejecting and bullying others.

Today’s teen faces a lot of pressure from the outside world. How do we empower them?

{READ} first things first… let’s check out God’s word. How does God teach us to treat others?

Leviticus 19:15

Genesis 1:27

1 John 3:18-20

Matthew 5:47

Deuteronomy 10:19

Proverbs 2:20

Download your FREE  {Scripture Memory Verse Cards on Cliques} (<—–simply click link)

Here’s a tip: I cut these out and laminated them. I then bought loose leaf book rings at STAPLES (office supply store), punched a hole through them and now my kids can study the verses anytime without losing any of the scripture cards (especially helpful when reviewing while on the road).


(pg. 27 in the book)

You need to hang on to your identity: {son of the King!}

  • Understand who you are in the family of Christ:
  • You are an heir of the kingdom
  • A person of infinite worth
  • One in whom God’s Spirit lives
  • You have been bought for a price-Jesus Christ on the Cross
  • You belong to God
  • Jesus is your friend and brother
  • You are holy
  • You are acceptable in God’s sight
  • God says that nothing can separate you from His love.


Round table discussion:

  • What are cliques?
  • What cliques have you seen or experienced?
  • How do people in cliques see other people?
  • How does God see people?
  • What causes teens to form cliques?
  • Talked about how people should be treated.

I asked the question, “what clique are you a part of?” to which my stepson Anthony responded, “I’m part of the Anthony Clique!”

I laughed because I know that he was being serious. His thoughts are that if someone doesn’t fit it, you should be kind and just let them in, “come on, you can sit with us!”

One of the questions, “why do you think teens join cliques” brought the same response from both my sons…”getting picked on so they (teens) pretend to be someone they’re not”.

We ended the discussion with God’s purpose and inclusiveness of everyone regardless of what part of town they come from, what brands they wear, what they look like and how they speak. I shared with them a storyline from a movie about a guy who was best friends with the same kid since Elementary School. On their first week of High School the guy meets a popular girl who invites him to a party and specifies that his ‘nerdy’ friend is not invited.

That day their long time friendship was broken. Fast forward a couple of years the two find themselves in the hallway after years of not talking to each other. The ‘nerdy’ kid has a gun to his head and the ‘cool’ ex-friend is trying to convince him not to do it.

Turns out this ‘nerdy’ kid had been bullied and made fun of for years because of the way he walked. When he was in Elementary school the two boys were playing and a car was going to hit his best friend. This ‘nerdy’ kid ran into the street, pushed his best friend and the car hit him instead of his best friend. His limp in High School was as a result of saving the life of this ‘cool’ guy when they were younger.

He ends up pulling the trigger and the ‘cool’ guy lives with the regret and guilt of his ex-friends death.

It wasn’t until he went to church and found forgiveness and salvation in Christ that he was able to let go of the guilt. It was then that he began to see the selfishness and the arrogance of his old ways. He begins to change his attitude towards those who are not in the  ‘in-crowd’. And he realized that those who called themselves his friends really were not his friends at all.

I spoke to the boys about the clique leaders (who we just called “Joey” for now). We talked about how Joey thinks of them (my boys) and how Jesus thinks about them. We talked to them about what “Joey” offers them for being a part of the cliques: Nothing! And about what Jesus offers them for being a part of the family: Everything!


For the boys;

Make two columns. One named “Joey” and one named “Jesus”. On “Joey’s” side write what you see in “Joey”. On the other column write what you see in “Jesus”. Then really think about those lists.

Decide where you want to be.


This topic gets tricky because your kids won’t want to talk about themselves being a part of the cliques. This can lend itself to a one sided conversation rather than a family discussion. If you notice that your kids are clamming up and not sharing as usual, refer to ‘teens’ in general. The point is to get them talking not confessing.

Once you get them talking, you will better understand how to lead them in this part of their lives. For example, when my step son made the comment about how he would be in the “Anthony Clique”, it was because he really doesn’t care what others think or say. He’s the type that would stick up for those being picked on. My other son who was quieter than usual said, “But that’s cause Anthony’s Anthony. I can’t say that, I won’t sound like that.”

That led us into a whole different area in our Cliques conversation. We stopped there and talked and addressed that. You know your kids better than anyone else. Ask the Holy Spirit to lead you and guide you. Ask for wisdom that you may be able to navigate through these sometimes delicate matters. Especially if you’re dealing with the kid who is experiencing the rejection.

Encourage them and remember it all goes back with what we talked about in the beginning… Knowing your true identity! Take them back to that list up top. Take them back to who God says they are!

Then pray those things over them. Declare them over their lives and continue to encourage them to be who God created them to be. With your support and your guidance along with your prayers, your children will be able to deal with Cliques they encounter.

Send me your comments and let me know how it went for you. I want to hear about it! And get ready for next week’s topic, {GOSSIP}.


Posted on October 1, 2011, in CHECKLIST FOR LIFE: BOOK STUDY, FAMILY LIFE, LIFE LESSONS, MOTHERING ON PURPOSE, PARENTING, SPIRITUAL GROWTH, TEENS and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. I’m sorry I’m late this week but it’s been a busy week at the Vargas Home. so I started our discussion by asking my son wether he was part of the clique at school or not, he answered NO!!!. I then asked him how he felt about that and he said it did not bother him because he had a group of friends that liked him for who he was and he did not have to pretend who is, he can be himself. He said he did not have to time to impress people. Believe you me he is like that, LOL!!!! So we went on about the pros and cons of being part of a clique and it’s interesting because my 10 year old said there is no PROS on a clique because most of the time clique are just bad influences anyways. They pretend they like you because they see something they like not in you but maybe you have a nice car, home or lots of money. They see you for the material things not for who you really are. I can tell you that my 10 year is ready to take on the world with just him and God. I shared my story with them in how I was the popular one is school and hung out the popular clique and even until a couple years back I was still part of the CLIQUE but I always felt lonely even though I was part if the CLIQUE. It was not until I join the Jesus Clique felt whole again. I felt loved, appreciated, happiness and joy. And let me tell you that when I joined the Jesus CLIQUE my other Clique’s wee no longer the for me. But you know I feel complete with just walking with Jesus and when I walked with the other I was incomplete. awesome study. As always we went over the scriptures and closed in prayer. Can’t wait for this week’s topic Gossip!!!

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